Friday, May 12, 2006

A SHORT PRIMER ON BLOGS

The FITS blog is not written by Mr. Folks, but is instead written by a group of women who happen to write just like him and are consumed with the same people (Jake Notts and the Barbecue & Politics blog) that Mr. Folks is. The fact that it is actually women writing the blog is empirically proven by the picture of a woman's shoe posted at the top of the blog. As you know, when women do blogs, they usually put a picture of a shoe in a prominent place just to let people know "this blog is written by a woman."
The shoe on FITS was downloaded from the high heel shoe fetish museum website, as a look at its "properties" reveals. We're not quite sure which is scarier -- that FITS was visiting the high heel shoe fetish museum website... or the FREAKIN' SHAPE OF THIS WOMAN'S FOOT!!! How the hell does she walk!?

Want to make an ass of yourself and embarass your party? Get caught making anonymous comments on a blog.





Some people will not give up on the idea that Sanford should debate Lovelace. This is absurd. Debates of the issues have no place in the civilized selection of our leaders. The people who believe Sanford should debate Lovelace have what is known in political parlance as an "agenda."








Whatever anybody tells you, the Palmetto Voice blog is NOT written by the same consultants who are running the Ryberg and Statten campaigns. The purpose of this blog is NOT to expose "dirt" on Karen Kanes Floyd, R. Quinn and T-Rav. They also do NOT post anonymous comments on the Laurie Line and other blogs under the pseudonyms "Jim" and "Roy" for the same purpose.

Barbecue & Politics has a strange obsession with FITS. We know this because FITS, the high heel shoe fetishist, tells us about this strange obsession here.

Barbecue & Politics, authored by the fictitious Pulaski S. Bridges, has taken a few shots at FITS... including some barbs about last year's CDV charge. To us, that's out of bounds. I mean, he pleaded not guilty and was found to be innocent, right? Give it a rest, Pulaski!

Speaking of CDV, it is in NO WAY ironic that someone who has made a semi-career of obsessing over other people's shortcomings defends physical abuse against a fiance. If you believe he was guilty, you are clearly a Bob Statten-loving, status quo-supporting, egg-toothed RINO.

The Sunny Republican is one of the blogosphere's most insightful sites. No detached air of superiority here. A good Mothers Day gift for her? A dictionary, so she can look up "crunchy."

That's it for now! Don't forget to check us out each Monday, when we'll be doing our Beginning-of-the-Week wrap-up, in which we recap what all the blogs will be discussing the rest of the week.

By the way, don't forget about Rick Quinn's Third-Place Finish Party on Election Night, June 13th, at the Treehouse in the Vista. To RSVP, contact Rebecca Gaetz at 803-799-9951 or gaetz@rqasc.com. Hope to see you there!

Until then, we remain

Semper Libertas!

The Captain, the Pirate and Tennille

Saturday, April 29, 2006

A little explanation of our brief absence

So, where have we been? We’re glad you asked!

First, however, we would like to extend our appreciation for all of your concern -- especially Sonny Phillips over at the “Crunchy Conservative.”

The Pirate and I have been awful busy, what with the upcoming vote on the “marriage amendment” and all. As you may know, the Captain and the Pirate have always had a special interest in issues facing the gay community.

Plus, the Captain and the Pirate are always looking for opportunities for “hands on” experience.

It is the duty of ALL residents of our state to oppose a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage marriage in South Carolina, so we have decided to become personally involved in the fight to allow people to gay marry.

There’s much to do, so we had originally decided to quit blogging for a while to focus on our campaign duties. The campaign, plus Pirate’s ongoing medical treatment (anal itching), left little time for blogging.

However, while I was helping the Pirate apply his ointment the other day, we had a novel idea: add a THIRD member to the FC team.

At first, Pirate suggested we hire the guy who does FITS. But I reminded him that Mr. Folks is probably pretty busy creating pseudonymous blogs to berate his ex-fiance and talk about how successful he is. Besides, what if he gets a campaign to work on? (We’d be back to square one, that’s what!)

What about that “queen,” Laurie Manning, the Pirate asked. I reminded him that Ms. Manning is a different kind of queen.

What about Sonny Phillips? Well, I reminded the Pirate that Sonny is the only political blogger that seems to have less of a clue than we do.

However, we eventually found our girl. She’s new to the blogging scene, but we are confident she will breath new life into FC.

Alas, we are back in the blogosphere. Please “bear” with us as our newest member learns the ropes. (We think she’ll do fine, and bring a much-needed female perspective to FC.)

To all those who took the time to share kind words or concerns about our absence... thanks!


Captain, Pirate and Tennille

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

We're back!

Captain

Pirate

Tennille

Yes, the Captain and the Pirate are back... and we've expanded! Because of the super demand for our unique brand of horse-@$&!# politcal commentary, it became necessary to add one more staffer to the Free-Carolina site.

Yes, there are now three members of Free-Carolina... and no, we're not "pulling a Folks" like the guy who does FITS.

Thanks for the patronage, and keep reading Free-Carolina!